Santa Claus Online

Now, Santa in his workshop
surveyed the toys with pride.
They really were quite awesome,
so he called his elves aside.

"Now every toy is finished
and lined up on the shelves.
Your workmanship is perfect,"
he said to all his elves.

"But listen to me, fellows,
I've news to make you sad,
'cause something has just happened,
and I am feeling bad.

"You see, the kiddies wrote me
by e-mail all this year,
and I don't know what caused it,
but my 'puter's broke, I fear.

"This morning bright and early
I turned my 'puter on
and tried to view my e-mail
but found that it was gone!

"While everyone was sleeping
and quiet was in the house,
I tried my best to find it
by clicking with my mouse.

"I always got the message
no mail was in my box.
I guess I was so shaken
I trembled in my socks!

"I changed from my pajamas
into my Santa suit;
I then crossed all my fingers
and gave that thing a boot!

"But still my mail was missing;
I don't know what to do,
'cause I just can't remember
which toys should go to who!

"I guess we should've tagged 'em
while I still had my mail,
but how was I to know that
the blasted thing would fail?

"I wish I'd never bought it;
the old way was the best.
Back then I had no problem
with filling each request.

"This Christmas is a sad one
for all the girls and boys,
'cause Santa won't be coming
to bring them any toys."

Poor Santa! So unhappy
he just sat down and cried,
as all his little helpers
clung closely to his side.

When Mrs. Claus had finished
her breakfast-cooking treat,
she came into the workshop
to say, "It's time to eat."

'Twas such a gloomy picture
that Mrs. Claus espied,
the first thing that she thought was
one of his elves had died.

"Oh, Santa, what's the matter?"
to Mr. Claus she said.
"My precious darling husband,
who is the elf that's dead?"

When Santa had stopped crying,
he said, "Oh, Mrs. Claus,
this year there'll be no Christmas;
my 'puter is the cause.

"It gobbled up the letters
that all the kiddies wrote.
It simply ate my e-mail;
left not a single note!"

"Dear Santa, don't you worry,"
the missus then replied.
"It sure does make me happy
that no one here has died.

"Now dry your tears, my husband;
we'll sack up all the toys.
This year there will be Christmas
for all the girls and boys.

"You see, I quite expected
that high-tech thing might fail,
so each day since you got it
I've printed out your mail.

"The list is rather lengthy,
so Elves, you must get busy,
but let poor Santa rest until
he rallies from his tizzy."

Now Santa felt so joyful
that he could not resist
just scooping up his missus
and giving her a kiss.

"My lovely, precious lady,
I don't know what to say,
but thank you, thank you, thank you,
for you have saved my day!"

With eyes that were facetious
she headed to the door,
then turned and said to Santa,
"Why, that's what wives are for."

Well, Santa wrote a letter
before he went to dine,
informing all the children
that he had gone offline.

He wrote with much conviction
and said, "Do Not Forget:
Next year don't send your letters
to Santa Claus dot net!

"My 'puter lost your e-mail;
yes, every note this year.
If not for Mrs. Santa,
I could not bring you cheer.

"So when you write your wishes,
on paper, card, or scroll,
please mail by postal service
to Santa Claus, North Pole."

Now Santa was contented
and quite his jolly self,
and with a sudden brainstorm
he said to his main elf:

"Go wrap up my computer
and sprinkle it with cheer;
'twill make a fine addition
to the misfit toys this year!"

Copyright 2001 Ruth Gillis


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