Miss Mona And The Mouse Brigade

Miss Mona was a single gal, lived down the road from me;
she had no girlish qualities, least none that I could see.
I'd seen her nail the roofing on; I'd watched her slopping hogs,
and every winter for her fire I saw her chopping logs.

Now one day from my kitchen door, I heard a dreadful shout;
I hastened to Miss Mona's house to see what it was about.
You can't imagine my surprise to see Mone crouching high
on top of her refrigerator with teardrops in her eye!

I said, Miss Mone, what in the world has made you so upset?
She hollered, "There's a mouse in here and that is why I fret!
I saw it scurry 'cross the floor; it sped beneath my chair,
but when I got my pistol out and looked, it wasn't there!

Then faster than my expert aim, it scuttled 'hind the door --
I fear I've shot my bullets up; I don't have any more!
I even called the Sheriff up, told him to come today
and catch the dirty lowdown rat before he gets away!"

About that time I saw the mouse, a critter on the run;
I grabbed Mone's empty pistol and whacked him with her gun.
The rodent lay upon the floor; I told her he was dead;
"Just get that monster outa here," was what Miss Mona said.

I heard the sirens screaming near; I must've looked aghast
when thirteen deputies approached with guns, handcuffs, and gas!
Miss Mone dashed toward the kitchen door, still shaking in her boots;
I heard those deputies exclaim, "Halt now or we will shoot!"

Now, I don't fault the law because 'twas easy to construe
that Mona was the culprit as out the door she flew.
I tried to tell 'em that Miss Mone was fleeing from the house
to put some space between her and a dead and bloody mouse.

I guess they didn't understand; they showed no comprehension,
but said, "Stand back, don't interfere with lawful apprehension."
They seized poor Mone and shook her down as she commenced to wail,
then slapped the handcuffs on her wrists and hauled her off to jail.

The moral of this story is, and two there may be to it:
Appearance is deceiving, therefore don't misconstrue it.
The second is important -- be sure that it is heeded --
Don't ever, ever call the law unless they're really needed.

Copyright © 1994 Ruth Gillis

"Miss Mona And The Mouse Brigade" received a Second Place Award
in the March 1998 issue of Poet's Review.